Im upset

spent today with grumps, i love him so much no idea how he feels
met his friends that all went well they asked me what my intentions were with him i explained that we are not together anymore they looked surprised
I have just text him saying i want to be with him does he want to be with me etc 30 minutes later still no reply.......
I just need to know either way i love him soooo much i would marry him tomorrow this is killing me

Well its all gone a bit wrong

Grumps stood me up once more for this weekend, such an arsehole
So I have decided im worth more than this shit, he doesnt want to be with me he just wants sex and to spend a weekend with me when he feels like it
Fuck you grumps, im not into this shit anymore, being with a man because I want attention oh no it ends here...
I have decided if a man wants to be with me he can bloody chase me otherwise go away!
Had a date with someone i shouldnt have he knows dad they used to work together i kissed him i shouldnt have though as his the same type as the rest of them waste of bloody space!
Why do I do it why cant i just be secure enough in myself that if i dont think they fit to be a husband or at least good boyfriend material then they should just go away
Job starts on Tuesday I hope it goes well then hopefully I will change as a person as well!!

Today was a bit boring

Well the job people for the fairs text me im seeing him on friday morning which will be good
Didnt see shelley cancelled as i havent got any money
Grumps called me looks like his getting more interested so im playing it cool this time
Looks like it could work!
Tomorrow my plan is to get lexie round as i need money, yes I do
This time next week dare I say it I could have a job and grumps in my life
Lets hope!!!

Weekend

Well the weekend was not spent with grumps due to him not being able to get rid of the lodger
Im sure there might be something going on between those two as why cant i just spend the weekend there even if she is there??
Its weird I dont understand but then I guess we are not really together
He called me reguarly and text me he wanted to meet me tonight for a roast but said his funds were low mine are at £7.00 so that was that we couldnt afford to
I didnt actually mind not seeing him and wasnt even really dissapointed, I spent the weekend partying at Lee's it was fun i done a bit of white powder but nothing like i used to so im ok with that it doesnt really make me feel like i want it its a bit shit actually so im cool with that as well now
Met some new people and I think one could become a good friend we shall have to see
Have been invited to dinner round hers next week sometime so that could be good
Meeting Shelley tomorrow to catch up which should be fun and hopefully Lexie will pop in tomorrow morning as I have no money at all which reminds me must get a docters sick note for one more month before i start work
Oooo I hope i get the sales job that would be the best news ever!
So sunday is over Fresh week is on its way I wonder what will happen this week????

Still dragging on

Well I went for the interview it went crap
I found it really diffulcult to sell them the system and completley messed up
I doubt I will get the job I really do doubt it
They looked like they were going to take the piss out of me once I left but then that could be me just being paranoid
So Im job hunting once more and there is nothing out there
Its going to be Christmas soon and Im still not working
I have had enough now I need a bloody job I need one now
Its diffulcult as they said they will let me know next week so do i just go job hunting now or wait until next week I just dont know what to do
Im scared I might be pregnant as well I fucking hope not I really hope my period starts im praying to god
Grumps hasnt really spoken to me so I guess it was just sex he wanted
All I want to do right now is focus on my life and get a bloody job how hard can it be??