my two men in my life that have kept me going have now gone
Alasdair and Lexie both have them have gone /.....
Im crying, reason why
I wanted to go out tonight not all night not even get drunk just to socialise
I call everyone no go
But the 2 main people in my life who i have always been there for fuck me off
Why
Ali has a girlfriend now
Lexie all of a sudden prefers his wife or maybe someone else
Why is it when i need them they go cause they have something better to do
When i was with grumps before both of them would call me and i would speak to them and make time for them when they are upset
But now they are ok i can fuck off
I wouldnt mind but ive been doing that for ali for 5 years
Lexie 3.5 years
Why do they not consider my feeling like i do them even when im quite content i always think are they ok
Im such a mug
Now i have no one ..... Im so lonley i wish i had a friend like me x

Today is boring

Well, here I am 2 months later and still not working
I do however have a 2nd interview next week Tuesday which i hope I get
Its IT sales something that wouldnt really ususally apeal to me but the wages do so hopefully I will get it and be good at it.
Love of my life is back but Im not sure if we are in a relationship again or not. Spent the weekend with "Grumps" It was wonderful for me as Im in Love with him so much and never felt so much pain as when he split up with me a month ago
I hope it does work out this time, but he didnt really mention that we are back together so I'm worried about jumping to conclusions
I am going to try and create a busy life for myself and hopefully he will remain part of that
I have a feeling I will be crying soon over him again I just hope to god I am wrong
Maybe its time to get a tarot reading or something
I have £3.41 in my bank which is very depressing, hopefully I will recieve some money next week.
God I have some wishes I hope to achieve this year
They go as follows,
1/ Get a job
2/ Get Grumps back
3/ Join a gym and loose 2 stone
4/ Make some friends who are normal
5/ Get my Driving license
6/ Move out of my mums and hopefully live in a nice friendly flat share

I think if I put my mind to it I can achieve all of this before December
I really bloody hope I do
But first things first must get the job, will find out next week how exciting and scary at the same time.
Looking forward to watching diary of a call girl tonight, read the book it was great